It is so easy to conclude that egregious violations of marital vows is a form of Sexual Addiction (SA).
In CSI's view, there has been far too many cases of offending spouses claiming SA in order to excuse their immoral behavior. There are equally assertive spouses looking to assign the SA moniker to their spouses infidelities so they do not have to confront the truth about their partners immoral behavior (just label it a 'disease' so fault and accountability is obscured) and/or not confront their own personal behavior that may have contributed and abetted the marital infractions. In this, CSI has found that, although the offending behavior is singular, the problem - and solution - is a couples issue.
Giving the predilection to put off blame and not confront difficult personal and intimate issues, CSI has found a flood of capitulations to assign the umbrella term 'Sexual Addiction' to normal, but difficult, issues of personal intimacy between couples.
There are spouses that have issues with SA to be sure, and this is not to denigrate their struggles and challenges. There seems to be a compulsivity to their behavior that defies the remedying of originating causes. Not all SA looks like this, but we are reminded of men who expose themselves, or surreptitiously fondle women on buses.
Wives, your husbands are not perverts. They are men. If your husband is watching and MB'ing to porn or had/had an affair, that doesn't mean he necessarily has an SA problem. He may have, but the odds are he most likely does not.
CSI have seen examples of wives convincing their unfaithful husbands that they were sexually deranged and demanded they enter aggressive treatment for SA as a condition of staying married or reconciliation. This is unfortunate and often accelerates the resentment by the husband.
There needs to be accountability on both sides. Husbands need to be accountable for their behavior. On matters of being faithful, he needs to be above moral reproach and honor his vows. Wives also must be accountable for their contributing factors. They need to honor their vows by 'loving and honoring' their husbands and satisfying their sexual/emotional needs that could (and should) only be met by them. "Mutual Self-Giving" is how the CCC sums up married conjugal love.
Husbands: She depends on you to be faithful. Wives: He depends on you for all of his needs being met.
It helps to not think of the problem as an individual issue faced by one spouse. As we said; it is a couples problem....and the solution to it will be as a couple.
